English Stivvle Vizzle. Word for word, not though for thought. Word.

I received the ESV Study Bible I ordered yesterday. A full business day earlier than had been originally projected--big ups, UPS! (Do you see what I did there?) To say, with 2500+ pages of Scripture plus commentary, maps, tables, and illustrations in hand, that I am like a kid in a candy store would probably be to overstate my piousness/studiousness. Let's just say, my cup runneth over. By they way, why do bibles always have two columns to a page? Oh. Okay, then, now I know.

I can't believe I've made it this far into the OT.

Man, there are some gems in there. Like the story of Ehud, and then the judge who came after him who slew 600 Philistines with a cattle prod. To say nothing of Samson and the donkey jaw (I find it dumb usually when people make comments like this, but doesn't Samson and The Donkey Jaws sound like a good name for a band?) Dude tosses the thing away when he's done with it. Doesn't even hold on to it as a memento. Then was struck by the description of David, as the ark of the covenant is being brought to Jerusalem, kicks it in what I imagine was a very Kevin Bacon-like manner. But then he straight rebukes you. Lays some truth on you. Actually he lays it on Michal, the ol' ball and chain, or one of the old balls and chains, anyway. But you know when you read him as a dancin' fool, even though there's a part of you that's like, "Ha, that's awesome," there's another part that's saying, "Aren't you kind of making an ass off yourself? 2 Samuel chapter 6:

¹⁴And David danced before the LORD with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod. ¹⁵So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting and with the sound of the horn. ¹⁶As the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, and she despised him in her heart. ¹⁷And they brought in the ark of the LORD and set it in its place, inside the tent that David had pitched for it.^T)"> And David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD. ¹⁸And when David had finished offering the burnt offerings and the peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD of hosts ¹⁹and distributed among all the people, the whole multitude of Israel, both men and women, a cake of bread, a portion of meat, and a cake of raisins to each one. Then all the people departed, each to his house. ²⁰And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, "How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!" ²¹And David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the LORD—and I will make merry before the LORD. ²²I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes. But by the female servants of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor." ²³And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.

Snap! Lesson: don't be a sarcastic nag when the Lord's anointed busts a move, or you may just find yourself barren.

I don't know if I'm using dated slang like "kick it," "snap," and "bust a move" in a humorous, knowing way or if I'm actually just dated.