J. McCain likes to brag about his genes, re: his old as dirt mother. Well, fair game then--what other genes does he share with his family? That's right, batshit senility is shared with his bro Joe the Patrician, who herein calls 911 to complain about a traffic jam. Cringingly hilarious!
Ben Smith's Blog: Dept. of fraying tempers - Politico.com
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online : Sarah Palin Meets Woody Allen
Neglecting my blahging again. Amateurish but funny Sarah Palin/Woody Allen mash-up courtesy the phoenix of publications, where old Gawker editors go to die, Radar:
Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online : Sarah Palin Meets Woody Allen
So as for me I'm still kind of going through my religious mania phase. In fact I've been reading Tolstoy's The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You, which is kind of making me rethink my entire world-view, which is something I haven't really done since I was, like, sixteen. It's exciting and unnerving. Will it stick? Is it a flash in the pan? Can I really become a Christian anarchist? Can I even in good conscience vote in the coming election? Can I even in good conscience travel on roads paid for by the government? I can probably do the latter at least because taking things that far is kerazy. As for voting, my conscience at the moment is actually telling me that it's wrong, but I'm in too deep now with this election cycle to get out now. But maybe it will be my last ever vote. Who knows. I'm thinking maybe I should become a Quaker, if anything. No necessary baptism, totally unprogrammed and egalitarian worship, the priesthood of all believers, complete pacifism--i.e. not worming out of Christ explicit instructions as given on the Sermon on the Mount with some Just War nonsense. I don't even feel comfortable blogging about any of this because Jesus said, if you want to go on the street corner or on the television or on the blogosphere and give your prayers out loud, you'll have your reward--you'll have your attention, that is, which is all you're seeking to gain by acting in that manner. All I know is my religious mania phase is switching from asking questions to finding a few answers, which I give thumbs up to.
Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online : Sarah Palin Meets Woody Allen
So as for me I'm still kind of going through my religious mania phase. In fact I've been reading Tolstoy's The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You, which is kind of making me rethink my entire world-view, which is something I haven't really done since I was, like, sixteen. It's exciting and unnerving. Will it stick? Is it a flash in the pan? Can I really become a Christian anarchist? Can I even in good conscience vote in the coming election? Can I even in good conscience travel on roads paid for by the government? I can probably do the latter at least because taking things that far is kerazy. As for voting, my conscience at the moment is actually telling me that it's wrong, but I'm in too deep now with this election cycle to get out now. But maybe it will be my last ever vote. Who knows. I'm thinking maybe I should become a Quaker, if anything. No necessary baptism, totally unprogrammed and egalitarian worship, the priesthood of all believers, complete pacifism--i.e. not worming out of Christ explicit instructions as given on the Sermon on the Mount with some Just War nonsense. I don't even feel comfortable blogging about any of this because Jesus said, if you want to go on the street corner or on the television or on the blogosphere and give your prayers out loud, you'll have your reward--you'll have your attention, that is, which is all you're seeking to gain by acting in that manner. All I know is my religious mania phase is switching from asking questions to finding a few answers, which I give thumbs up to.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Posty-O's
Nothing too pressing, just another in a series of reasons why Sarah Palin is a bad person and an even worse American politician:
Palin Explains What Parts Of Country Not "Pro-America"
Mostly I just wanted an excuse to post this photo that I may have had a hand in editing in some respects:
It's important to educate yourself and others on the issues in this election, so just remember: it wants brains. Obama has plans to spread the wealth around. John McCain has plans to spread your mashed-up brains around on his toast before he eats it. Tell the undecideds!
Palin Explains What Parts Of Country Not "Pro-America"
Mostly I just wanted an excuse to post this photo that I may have had a hand in editing in some respects:
It's important to educate yourself and others on the issues in this election, so just remember: it wants brains. Obama has plans to spread the wealth around. John McCain has plans to spread your mashed-up brains around on his toast before he eats it. Tell the undecideds!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Drumroll please...
Still not exactly a resounding success, but 600 views or so after 12 hours...not bad. And as to the quality, aesthetic and comedic, I am satisfied. And isn't that what really matters? (No! I want my work linked all over the blogosphere! I want my work on television!)
Prezidental Debacle Part Trois
Last night was the last presidential debate. Just like in the last two debate, and in a manner I find more or less inexplicable, the librul uhleet meadyuh has insisted on treating it as though it were a draw, while polls show that voters/viewers (overall, independents, and undecideds alike) thought our Dear Leader won, by a margin of 2 to 1.
It was definitely the best debate by my standards, insofar at it was the most absurd, largely thanks to the performance of John "I call my wife a cunt because I love her" McCain. There was the poorly concealed blinks, sighs, and eye-rolls of disgust, confusion, and anger...the treatment of "Joe the Plumber" as a Tourettes-like tic(k?)...the scoffing air quotes at the thought of providing an exception to a ban on late-term abortions for "the health of the mother"...the apparent confusion over what developmental disability his vice-presidential candidate's son has (it's Down's Syndrome, not autism)...and those were just the highlights!
I made another attempt at achieving my fifteen seconds of internet fame by staying up late into the night to create a remixxx, as I call it, of one moment of the debate, in which Obama informs McCain that the fine Joe teh Plumber pays in regards to his small business' lack of health-care providal is...nothing. It's better than my first attempt, the bail-out song, but I'm getting the sense that this viral video thing is harder than it looks. Anyway I'll put it up later in the day for posterity's sake, if nothing else.
Obama rally under the Arch Saturday afternoon! I've sent my RSVP! I went to a rally for Bob Dole under the arch when I was ten, because I had decided I supported Dole on the basis of nothing other than an instinctual distaste for Bill Clinton (which I had come to doubt, but was reconfirmed in force this primary season). I have a feeling this one will have a bit more oomph to it. I had the opportunity to go see Obama's original announcement speech in Springfield way back in January (I think it was) 2007, but it was on a Saturday morning, so I planned on being hungover, so I didn't sign up to go. My opportunity has come around again! Now when future generations of Americans (assuming their are any, i.e. that America isn't destroyed by the coming depression, or the Moslems, or by adult-onset diabetes, or by the wrath of God) ask about my experience with our Dear Leader, I will be able to say I actually saw him before his Ascension (to office, I mean, not Heaven), rather than just being able to say that I gave him like a hundred bucks, which doesn't make for a good story. Maybe I'll even get the chance to touch the hem of his garment, and be cured of my blindness, epilepsy, and demonic possession!
Pictured above: Barry Hussein Obama uncharacteristicly loses control of his Haitian Zombie-like reserve, showing his nefarious glee at what presumably was a particularly vivid thought of how he will turn America over to the control of terrorists once he is elected.
It was definitely the best debate by my standards, insofar at it was the most absurd, largely thanks to the performance of John "I call my wife a cunt because I love her" McCain. There was the poorly concealed blinks, sighs, and eye-rolls of disgust, confusion, and anger...the treatment of "Joe the Plumber" as a Tourettes-like tic(k?)...the scoffing air quotes at the thought of providing an exception to a ban on late-term abortions for "the health of the mother"...the apparent confusion over what developmental disability his vice-presidential candidate's son has (it's Down's Syndrome, not autism)...and those were just the highlights!
I made another attempt at achieving my fifteen seconds of internet fame by staying up late into the night to create a remixxx, as I call it, of one moment of the debate, in which Obama informs McCain that the fine Joe teh Plumber pays in regards to his small business' lack of health-care providal is...nothing. It's better than my first attempt, the bail-out song, but I'm getting the sense that this viral video thing is harder than it looks. Anyway I'll put it up later in the day for posterity's sake, if nothing else.
Obama rally under the Arch Saturday afternoon! I've sent my RSVP! I went to a rally for Bob Dole under the arch when I was ten, because I had decided I supported Dole on the basis of nothing other than an instinctual distaste for Bill Clinton (which I had come to doubt, but was reconfirmed in force this primary season). I have a feeling this one will have a bit more oomph to it. I had the opportunity to go see Obama's original announcement speech in Springfield way back in January (I think it was) 2007, but it was on a Saturday morning, so I planned on being hungover, so I didn't sign up to go. My opportunity has come around again! Now when future generations of Americans (assuming their are any, i.e. that America isn't destroyed by the coming depression, or the Moslems, or by adult-onset diabetes, or by the wrath of God) ask about my experience with our Dear Leader, I will be able to say I actually saw him before his Ascension (to office, I mean, not Heaven), rather than just being able to say that I gave him like a hundred bucks, which doesn't make for a good story. Maybe I'll even get the chance to touch the hem of his garment, and be cured of my blindness, epilepsy, and demonic possession!
Pictured above: Barry Hussein Obama uncharacteristicly loses control of his Haitian Zombie-like reserve, showing his nefarious glee at what presumably was a particularly vivid thought of how he will turn America over to the control of terrorists once he is elected.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ohio.com - Poll workers clash at Falls nursing home
I'm still going through a bit of religious mania phase, and as I read Matthew's version of the Sermon on the Mount a few hours ago (when was last time you read it, you heathen? Why are you reading this blog and not the Gospels? Shame! Shame!) I do not officially endorse this sort of violence in the name of Barack Obama. But we are all sinners, and as such I do glean some sense of satisfaction at this account, in which, "George Manos, the 75-year-old Republican, told police that Edith Walker, the 73-year-old Democrat, jumped on his back and struck him in the head three to four times with her fists." What's more, these aren't even regular old coots in a nursing home, they're poll workers. I think Florida should jump on Ohio's back and stike it in the Cleveland area three or four times with its fists for challenging its claim to being the state with the craziest old people and most suspect voting practices.
Ohio.com - Poll workers clash at Falls nursing home
Ohio.com - Poll workers clash at Falls nursing home
Monday, October 13, 2008
And everything was right with the world
My dearest friend I've never met, Christopher Hitchens, comes out for Obama.
Vote Obama. McCain lacks the character and temperament to be president. And Palin is simply a disgrace. - By Christopher Hitchens - Slate Magazine
Vote Obama. McCain lacks the character and temperament to be president. And Palin is simply a disgrace. - By Christopher Hitchens - Slate Magazine
ABC News: Obama Takes Double-Digit Lead Over McCain
John McCain! You're down ten points in national polls three weeks from Election Day! State-wide polls suggest an electoral landslide in which you will be the one buried! You're legacy and honor have pretty much been subjected to a gang-banging in which you yourself were a (somewhat) reluctant participant! You are a national joke in most quarters, and in the rest of the country you're an empty vessel for xenophobes, racists, and general crazies to rally 'round! How would you describe your position, in summation?
"' My friends, we've got them just where we want them.'" (ABC News: Obama Takes Double-Digit Lead Over McCain)
Okay. By the way, watch out '04 Red Sox: you thought you'd crushed my Cardinals? Oh, no. We got you right where we want you. We lulled you into a false sense of security by seeming to let you win the championship and go about your merry way for four years. Tony LaRussa! Pull the curtain to reveal the time machine we invented solely for this purpose! Now that we just blew your minds, it's game on!
A time machine is exactly the kind of crazy genius stunt LaRussa would pull, too. I think you underestimate the distance between batting your pitcher eighth and inventing a time machine to replay past losing series.
In related but separate news: we are on the verge of electing a black president in a landslide. We are also probably on the verge of a new depression after two to three decades of relatively uninterrupted growth. We live in a crazy world in crazy times! Going along with this, what other ker-azy events have recently taken place?
a.) Paul Krugman won a Nobel prize.
b.) J.D. Salinger sold the movie rights to "Catcher in the Rye."
c.) Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel
appeared in public and performed music.
d.) Pigs gained the ability to fly.
e.) b and d are both correct.
f.) a and c are both correct.
g.) all of the above.
And, the correct answer is...(rotate your computer screen 360 degrees to see the answer)...F! In completely mind-fucking fashion, Paul fucking Krugman won the Nobel prize in Economics, and the guy from Neutral Milk Hotel decided to stop broadcasting Albanian folk music on public radio stations at three in the morning long enough to perform on stage with other members of the Elephant 6 collective. You have won nothing!
"' My friends, we've got them just where we want them.'" (ABC News: Obama Takes Double-Digit Lead Over McCain)
Okay. By the way, watch out '04 Red Sox: you thought you'd crushed my Cardinals? Oh, no. We got you right where we want you. We lulled you into a false sense of security by seeming to let you win the championship and go about your merry way for four years. Tony LaRussa! Pull the curtain to reveal the time machine we invented solely for this purpose! Now that we just blew your minds, it's game on!
A time machine is exactly the kind of crazy genius stunt LaRussa would pull, too. I think you underestimate the distance between batting your pitcher eighth and inventing a time machine to replay past losing series.
In related but separate news: we are on the verge of electing a black president in a landslide. We are also probably on the verge of a new depression after two to three decades of relatively uninterrupted growth. We live in a crazy world in crazy times! Going along with this, what other ker-azy events have recently taken place?
a.) Paul Krugman won a Nobel prize.
b.) J.D. Salinger sold the movie rights to "Catcher in the Rye."
c.) Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel
appeared in public and performed music.
d.) Pigs gained the ability to fly.
e.) b and d are both correct.
f.) a and c are both correct.
g.) all of the above.
And, the correct answer is...(rotate your computer screen 360 degrees to see the answer)...F! In completely mind-fucking fashion, Paul fucking Krugman won the Nobel prize in Economics, and the guy from Neutral Milk Hotel decided to stop broadcasting Albanian folk music on public radio stations at three in the morning long enough to perform on stage with other members of the Elephant 6 collective. You have won nothing!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
All the cool kids are doing it
Ted Koppel was on Meet the Press talking about how Obama has the support of an ex-KKK member who is in the witness protection program for his part in the last lynching in America back in the early eighties.
William F. Buckley's son came out with an article that said, without ceding any of ideological ground, that he felt he had no choice but to vote for Obama because of what might be described as the erraticness/shamelessness/old-cootness gap between he and McCain.
And, from the Beeb, news of a nun in Rome, 106 years old, who hasn't voted since 1952, will be sending in her absentee ballot for Barry O'Bama:
BBC NEWS | Americas | 106-year-old voter chooses Obama
And in other news, the stock market crashed. Instead of crashing in a day, it crashed over the course of ten days or so, but crash it did. When I was a robber...in Boston place... I got distracted. That wasn't what I meant to say. Here: when I was a young teen in the late nineties (I guess now'days that age would be called the tweens, which I'd like to find fault with as a neologism, but is actually pretty solid) I was frustrated by the nineties' vacation from history as I've heard it described. I wanted dramatic things to happen. Great land wars in Asia. Economic collapse. A political atmosphere in which there were greater things at stake than impeachment over perjury in a civil trial. I was afraid that Fukuyama's End of History was real and things were going to keep on being that boring forever. No wars bigger than Kosovo; unfathomably dull economic prosperity. The lesson being of course careful what you wish for. When it comes true you'll actually be a young adult who has a vested interest in terrible things not happening and lacks the solipsism of youth that makes the suffering of others via war or economic hardship a purely abstract and unconcerning matter.
William F. Buckley's son came out with an article that said, without ceding any of ideological ground, that he felt he had no choice but to vote for Obama because of what might be described as the erraticness/shamelessness/old-cootness gap between he and McCain.
And, from the Beeb, news of a nun in Rome, 106 years old, who hasn't voted since 1952, will be sending in her absentee ballot for Barry O'Bama:
BBC NEWS | Americas | 106-year-old voter chooses Obama
And in other news, the stock market crashed. Instead of crashing in a day, it crashed over the course of ten days or so, but crash it did. When I was a robber...in Boston place... I got distracted. That wasn't what I meant to say. Here: when I was a young teen in the late nineties (I guess now'days that age would be called the tweens, which I'd like to find fault with as a neologism, but is actually pretty solid) I was frustrated by the nineties' vacation from history as I've heard it described. I wanted dramatic things to happen. Great land wars in Asia. Economic collapse. A political atmosphere in which there were greater things at stake than impeachment over perjury in a civil trial. I was afraid that Fukuyama's End of History was real and things were going to keep on being that boring forever. No wars bigger than Kosovo; unfathomably dull economic prosperity. The lesson being of course careful what you wish for. When it comes true you'll actually be a young adult who has a vested interest in terrible things not happening and lacks the solipsism of youth that makes the suffering of others via war or economic hardship a purely abstract and unconcerning matter.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
FOXNews.com - Man Named Fox Wrecks Car After Picking Up 'Dead' Fox - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News
There may or may not be more important things going on in the world, but I present this article to you for your edification:
FOXNews.com - Man Named Fox Wrecks Car After Picking Up 'Dead' Fox - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News
In other news, I went to Powell Symphony Hall Sunday to hear Beethoven's Seventh Symphony. It was at times an aesthetically profound experience, especially as someone who can be moved to an absurd degree by the objectively meaningless arrangement of sound over time, that is to say music.
FOXNews.com - Man Named Fox Wrecks Car After Picking Up 'Dead' Fox - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News
In other news, I went to Powell Symphony Hall Sunday to hear Beethoven's Seventh Symphony. It was at times an aesthetically profound experience, especially as someone who can be moved to an absurd degree by the objectively meaningless arrangement of sound over time, that is to say music.
Oh noes
Oh noes. I am neglecting my blahgging! Actually, it is for the best. I've been obsessing over questions of theology almost all my waking hours for the last 48 hours, with breaks for eating and medication taking. It feels less crazy then it sounds. It's kind of an important thing, y'alls. I won't go into the specifics, which would inevitably sound like a schizophrenic or just an insufferable religious person. Other news...the depression is looming over the horizon and the sound of its march, the beating boots of doom, is becoming audible. (At least my theological questions have steered clear of eschatology, which is a tad unlike me. The only books of the Bible I've read multiple times are the gospels and Revelation. Let's be frank; Word of God or not everything else is sorta dull.) And...Obama is doing so well it's terrifying, i.e. it feels like our hopes are bringing brought to a crescendo before they are crushed by voter fraud or the stupidity and racism of fifty-one percent of the voting public, or whatever will do it. And...last weeks SNL was transcendent. I'm beginning to think the last few seasons have been the greatest since the original few. Yeah, I said it. I don't fear being institutionalized (not that I would know anything about that????).
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Lil Wayne is the new Bob Dylan
Lil Wayne is the new Bob Dylan. Okay, I know, there's never going to be any such thing as the new Bob Dylan, or "our generation's Bob Dylan," or any of that junk. But I think Lil Wayne is in a close race with a young Bruce Springsteen for the title of "Artist least undeserving of the comparison to Bob Dylan." If you were wondering, the genesis of this thought was not recent on my part, but it was solidified and expanded upon yesterday as I listened to Tha Carter III and hit a tennis ball against the basement wall for an hour. I was having all these interconnected ideas about the history of American music, and playing the deuces, and cultural change regarding intertextuality--that sort of thing. Then I stopped hitting the tennis ball against the wall, and I didn't necessarily disagree with any of those ideas, but it didn't seem worth writing a book about or anything. So I think hitting a tennis ball against a wall in the basement for an hour is my new way of smoking up. Or my anti-drug, if you will.
Those finks at the Post-Dispatch still haven't published my letter, and I'm thinking by now they probably never will. So I got bumped? The finks! Well, the bailout got passed and signed and now our complete financial collapse will merely be a terrible recession or mild depression...so I'm happy, letter or no.
I'll make quick comments on completely random shit. Kimbo Slice is fighting on CBS tonight. I was one of those people who knew nothing about mixed martial arts, but when that son of a bitch came on the scene, I was like, he is the greatest athlete alive. Do you see his beard? Do you see the streets, in his eyes? But now he's struggling to beat even mediocre to poor opponents, so now you're sort of watching to see him be beaten by, like, the 235th best fighter in the world, even though it's sad at the same time you're getting that little schadenfreudy satisfaction.
When I had my great Klonopin-induced personal breakthrough, about a month ago, I shaved my moustache that I'd been sporting for over a year. It was kind of dumb and thin, but I was fond of it. Depending on how sympathetic you were towards it, is what just one out of a million dumb patchy hipster facial hair choices--or, it was like Errol Flynn, like Clark Gable, like Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. Anyway, I'm trying to grow it back--but the damn thing is so thin it takes at least a couple months to come in. So now I'm walking around like a moron with some dirt on his upper lip. Hopefully Sheila (as I decided to call him, three seconds ago) will be at full strength by the new year.
If you've not seen the Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart being sent about through the internet tubes, look it up. I'm too lazy to reproduce it here. I printed it out for my mother, who has developed and nurtured a borderline violent and insane hate for the Republican ticket. Printed it out! So twentieth century, right? And so cliche to describe computer illiteracy as So Twentieth Century, but what else are you gonna say about? It is.
What else? The nation is waiting with bated breath for SNL's debate take starring Tina Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin. Two parenthesis here. One: (What the hell does "bated" mean? No one ever uses it but in the context of "waiting with bated breath.") Two: (You can't even call it an impersonation, because Tina Fey's version of Sarah Palin and Sarah Palin are in this sort of bizarre, possibly postmodern, relationship with one another. More than one person has speculated that Palin's performance at the debate, re: extreme folksiness and winking, was influenced by Fey's version of her. I'm just sorry Jean Baudrillard isn't alive to see this. That old Gallic Americofetishizer would be blowing his load. Simulacra! Simulacra! Get me a towel.) Also: Queen Latifah slated to play moderator Gwen Ifil. Wow. Lorne Michaels. Could we please just hire a black woman comedian for, like, the second time in your show's 33 year history? I've not one for affirmative action in the arts (bit of a Harold Bloom booster), but seriously, that statistic is insane. And please put the funny Fred Armisen out of his misery playing unfunnily someone who is supposed to represent Barack Obama. Hire Jordan Carlos. Steal Wyatt Cenac from the Daily Show. But good Christ, do something.
Uh...I'm going to see the St. Louis Symphony tomorrow afternoon. I hardly listen to any classical music, but I've been listening the shit out of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony (i.e. not one of the famous two with the da-da-da-dum or the Ode to Joy) over the last couple months. So when I saw they were performing it, I was like, I ain't broke enough to miss that shit. Turns out the cheapest seats (like, 16 bucks) are at the front of the hall. ? Is this something to do with acoustics? A weird status thing among classical music people? Or maybe you can see the orchestra better from farther away. I was all stoked to wear one of my tweed jackets with leather patches on the elbows so that I'd be perfectly not-under-or-overdressed (unlike the dopes in a full suit, or in a golf polo tucked into their dopey slacks). Perfect for a fall afternoon! But then weather went up to the eighties again. After twenty-two and a half years in St. Louis, I've developed a theory: the weather changes very rapidly. That's an inside joke I guess if you're not from St. Louis. The conventional wisdom slash overused joke here is, if you don't like the weather here, just wait fifteen minutes, it'll be the exact opposite. This is turning from a boring, rambling post to an absurdly boring, rambling post. (I got me the Google Analytics, so I know I get a very small but not non-existent number of visitors a day. Though they have a tendency to spend 0:00 minutes here. As in, I guess, they get here and then feel compelled to leave in a manner that defies the laws of physics. Or maybe it's some goof with Google Analytics. Probably a little of both.)
And in other news, Jackie Mason is still alive, and supports John McCain. Maybe. He forgets sometimes whether or not he does:
Befuddled Endorsements: Confused Jackie Mason Starts Jewish Civil War
Those finks at the Post-Dispatch still haven't published my letter, and I'm thinking by now they probably never will. So I got bumped? The finks! Well, the bailout got passed and signed and now our complete financial collapse will merely be a terrible recession or mild depression...so I'm happy, letter or no.
I'll make quick comments on completely random shit. Kimbo Slice is fighting on CBS tonight. I was one of those people who knew nothing about mixed martial arts, but when that son of a bitch came on the scene, I was like, he is the greatest athlete alive. Do you see his beard? Do you see the streets, in his eyes? But now he's struggling to beat even mediocre to poor opponents, so now you're sort of watching to see him be beaten by, like, the 235th best fighter in the world, even though it's sad at the same time you're getting that little schadenfreudy satisfaction.
When I had my great Klonopin-induced personal breakthrough, about a month ago, I shaved my moustache that I'd been sporting for over a year. It was kind of dumb and thin, but I was fond of it. Depending on how sympathetic you were towards it, is what just one out of a million dumb patchy hipster facial hair choices--or, it was like Errol Flynn, like Clark Gable, like Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. Anyway, I'm trying to grow it back--but the damn thing is so thin it takes at least a couple months to come in. So now I'm walking around like a moron with some dirt on his upper lip. Hopefully Sheila (as I decided to call him, three seconds ago) will be at full strength by the new year.
If you've not seen the Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart being sent about through the internet tubes, look it up. I'm too lazy to reproduce it here. I printed it out for my mother, who has developed and nurtured a borderline violent and insane hate for the Republican ticket. Printed it out! So twentieth century, right? And so cliche to describe computer illiteracy as So Twentieth Century, but what else are you gonna say about? It is.
What else? The nation is waiting with bated breath for SNL's debate take starring Tina Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin. Two parenthesis here. One: (What the hell does "bated" mean? No one ever uses it but in the context of "waiting with bated breath.") Two: (You can't even call it an impersonation, because Tina Fey's version of Sarah Palin and Sarah Palin are in this sort of bizarre, possibly postmodern, relationship with one another. More than one person has speculated that Palin's performance at the debate, re: extreme folksiness and winking, was influenced by Fey's version of her. I'm just sorry Jean Baudrillard isn't alive to see this. That old Gallic Americofetishizer would be blowing his load. Simulacra! Simulacra! Get me a towel.) Also: Queen Latifah slated to play moderator Gwen Ifil. Wow. Lorne Michaels. Could we please just hire a black woman comedian for, like, the second time in your show's 33 year history? I've not one for affirmative action in the arts (bit of a Harold Bloom booster), but seriously, that statistic is insane. And please put the funny Fred Armisen out of his misery playing unfunnily someone who is supposed to represent Barack Obama. Hire Jordan Carlos. Steal Wyatt Cenac from the Daily Show. But good Christ, do something.
Uh...I'm going to see the St. Louis Symphony tomorrow afternoon. I hardly listen to any classical music, but I've been listening the shit out of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony (i.e. not one of the famous two with the da-da-da-dum or the Ode to Joy) over the last couple months. So when I saw they were performing it, I was like, I ain't broke enough to miss that shit. Turns out the cheapest seats (like, 16 bucks) are at the front of the hall. ? Is this something to do with acoustics? A weird status thing among classical music people? Or maybe you can see the orchestra better from farther away. I was all stoked to wear one of my tweed jackets with leather patches on the elbows so that I'd be perfectly not-under-or-overdressed (unlike the dopes in a full suit, or in a golf polo tucked into their dopey slacks). Perfect for a fall afternoon! But then weather went up to the eighties again. After twenty-two and a half years in St. Louis, I've developed a theory: the weather changes very rapidly. That's an inside joke I guess if you're not from St. Louis. The conventional wisdom slash overused joke here is, if you don't like the weather here, just wait fifteen minutes, it'll be the exact opposite. This is turning from a boring, rambling post to an absurdly boring, rambling post. (I got me the Google Analytics, so I know I get a very small but not non-existent number of visitors a day. Though they have a tendency to spend 0:00 minutes here. As in, I guess, they get here and then feel compelled to leave in a manner that defies the laws of physics. Or maybe it's some goof with Google Analytics. Probably a little of both.)
And in other news, Jackie Mason is still alive, and supports John McCain. Maybe. He forgets sometimes whether or not he does:
Befuddled Endorsements: Confused Jackie Mason Starts Jewish Civil War
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Beware: critical theory buzzwords are used herein without humorous intent
No letter to the editor penned by moi appeared in today's Post, so I suppose it will be Thursday. Since the house is scheduled to vote on a new version of the plan that day, anything after that point would make it completely un-appropos and pointless. Anyway, there's a little voice in my head saying that they're not going to publish it and just called me regarding it as a cruel lark. But as I am neither high nor a paranoid schizophrenic this voice is easily dismissed, and not an actual voice, just an idea that pops up every now and then. Anyhow, assuming it appears tomorrow I am looking forward to declaring to my friends and peers, "Today I had my second ever letter to the editor published in the Post-Dispatch--my first ever not to concern the naming of newborn elephants." Which is true. I wrote one after the St. Louis Zoo had a baby elephant fall out of one of their other elephants (I think that is how these things happen) and instead of soliciting name-suggestions from the public, as I thought would be appropriate, the elephant handlers made up their own list for the public to vote on. So I wrote a snide little letter of some fine snide prose about how elephant handlers may know what elephants eat and such things, but know nothing on the subject of naming, and wrote snidely of how all the names they had chosen were of middling aesthetic quality. All that snideness was supposed to be humorous, but probably three-fourths of anyone who ever read it didn't realize and just thought I was a finnicky, smart-ass bastard. I have that problem not infrequently, as I enjoy expressing sincere thoughts and opinions in an ironic fashion and expressing ironic thoughts and opinions in a sincere fashion. But that is at the same time a contradiction, and the very definition of irony. Maybe I did get high an hour or two ago and just forgot?
I won't keep typing self-indulgently. I will spare you a proper explication of this, but earlier in the day I was hitting a tennis ball against a basement wall and thinking about...you guessed it...the nature of postmodernism and its relationship to modernism. A cliche, I know. I will only reproduce this sample.
Modernism: irony and pity. Postmodernism: irony and sympathy.
Orange you glad I didn't keep typing?
I won't keep typing self-indulgently. I will spare you a proper explication of this, but earlier in the day I was hitting a tennis ball against a basement wall and thinking about...you guessed it...the nature of postmodernism and its relationship to modernism. A cliche, I know. I will only reproduce this sample.
Modernism: irony and pity. Postmodernism: irony and sympathy.
Orange you glad I didn't keep typing?
GOP, RIP? - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine
A goodish article from Slate. The title, obvs, is an exaggeration designed to catch the reader's eye, but it is essentially right in pronouncing upon the likelihood that 2008 will be one of those election years where things get shaken up in a more fundamental way than any old year divisible by two. Like 1980 and 1994, where the Republican revolution really began (of course it really began in 1964, or maybe the moment William F. Buckley was born, but 1980 was the beginning of it as an actual governing force) and where it was solidified respectively. So after 1980 the Democrats were on the descendent after, what, 48 years in power? My grasp of the political history of that era isn't sharp enough to identify whether or where there were some gaps in that period where is was the Republicans who had the upper hand (obviously there were a couple Republican presidents, not counting Ford, but I'm not sure how congress stood at that point). So after 1980 the Democrats still held onto congress, but was becoming increasingly moribund, at times corrupt, basically lazy with long held power. Meanwhile Reagan was helping to transform America into the center-right country that Republicans now claim America is fundamentally, but in fact only was for a period of time as a response to various historical and cultural influences. Finally in '94 the GOP took control of congress in dramatic fashion. There was a Democratic president of course, but he could only be elected and govern by being, or acting like, an extreme moderate (NAFTA, welfare reform, the whole Dick Morris triangulation mindset). 2000 wasn't a transformative election because it only served to reinforce what had already happened. It is fallacious (that's the kind of word Ned Flanders wouldn't use because it lead to dirty thoughts) to look back at what ended up happening as having been inevitable, and seeing the events that preceding it as the unfolding of this course of the eventual outcome (this is that ol' Whig view of history that thought of all English history as leading inevitably, by steps, to what Britain ended up being, a parliamentary democracy). However it is certainly tempting to do this: to call Bush's election the logical conclusion of what had happened in 1980 and 1994.
Man, I can write so much more when I'm all benzo'd up. Hopefully this is going to make essay writing when I'm back at school a breeze.
Anyway, the Republicans have had their era: 1980-?. And that question mark increasingly looks to be standing in the place of 2008. Just like the Democratic Party thirty years ago, the Republicans are faced with malaise, corruption, and the blame for a number of serious problems in the country, some of which they are little to blame for, other which they brought upon themselves by their failures in governance (I'll let you decide for yourself what the ratio is of blame to blamelessness). And now one can say with a great deal of certainty that the Democrats will either hold on to their current majority in both houses of Congress, or, more likely, gain seats. The presidential race of course is a much more fickle thing, and truly confident predictions are impossible. However on paper the race is Obama's to lose. A look at the electoral map puts him in an even better position than the national polls putting him up by five percentage points suggest. And most of the intangibles that cannot be seen in a simple poll of voter preference (GOTV efforts, organization, turnout, etc.) favor him. It is safe to say at least that at this moment, just over a month before the election, the smart money is decidedly on Obama.
The only problem with this, the only dark shadow in the back of my mind, is that John McCain has an established habit of rising like a phoenix from what seemed to objective observers like his political death. Now we are faced with just that kind of scenario. Can he do it again. The fact that one beat the odds so outstandingly in, for example, the Republican primary doesn't change the basic fact that the odds against are so outstandingly long and there do not appear to be many, or any, avenues for McCain to claw his way back up. He also does not have the luxury, as he did in the primaries, of time. In conclusion, there's very little for anything but optimism if you are a booster of the Democrats (for the record I consider myself an independent, as I disagree with the Democratic party line, oh, say, 20-30% of the time, but in effect I vote for Democratic candidates overwhelming). However, I won't let this be like a horror film where the monster, in this case a mummy (with a running mate/cohort who is another sort of mummy), is seemingly vanquished, whereupon Our Hero turns his back to the creature to close eyes and breath a sigh of relief...only for we the viewer to see over the Hero's shoulder that the mummy is stirring! It is coming back for more! Turn, hero, turn! Oh, Christ, he's got you by the throat! The flailing! The dusty, scummy rags! The blood! The ancient dagger, held in a scabbard in which a scarab beetle is enclosed by amber, the only weapon that can put down the hideous corpse for ever! The scramble! The scabbard is flung across the floor! Our hero lunges, takes hold of it, and plants the sucker right into the mummy's rag-encased face! Cheer as the mummy dissolves into sand! Victory! Victory! O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma!
GOP, RIP? - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine
Man, I can write so much more when I'm all benzo'd up. Hopefully this is going to make essay writing when I'm back at school a breeze.
Anyway, the Republicans have had their era: 1980-?. And that question mark increasingly looks to be standing in the place of 2008. Just like the Democratic Party thirty years ago, the Republicans are faced with malaise, corruption, and the blame for a number of serious problems in the country, some of which they are little to blame for, other which they brought upon themselves by their failures in governance (I'll let you decide for yourself what the ratio is of blame to blamelessness). And now one can say with a great deal of certainty that the Democrats will either hold on to their current majority in both houses of Congress, or, more likely, gain seats. The presidential race of course is a much more fickle thing, and truly confident predictions are impossible. However on paper the race is Obama's to lose. A look at the electoral map puts him in an even better position than the national polls putting him up by five percentage points suggest. And most of the intangibles that cannot be seen in a simple poll of voter preference (GOTV efforts, organization, turnout, etc.) favor him. It is safe to say at least that at this moment, just over a month before the election, the smart money is decidedly on Obama.
The only problem with this, the only dark shadow in the back of my mind, is that John McCain has an established habit of rising like a phoenix from what seemed to objective observers like his political death. Now we are faced with just that kind of scenario. Can he do it again. The fact that one beat the odds so outstandingly in, for example, the Republican primary doesn't change the basic fact that the odds against are so outstandingly long and there do not appear to be many, or any, avenues for McCain to claw his way back up. He also does not have the luxury, as he did in the primaries, of time. In conclusion, there's very little for anything but optimism if you are a booster of the Democrats (for the record I consider myself an independent, as I disagree with the Democratic party line, oh, say, 20-30% of the time, but in effect I vote for Democratic candidates overwhelming). However, I won't let this be like a horror film where the monster, in this case a mummy (with a running mate/cohort who is another sort of mummy), is seemingly vanquished, whereupon Our Hero turns his back to the creature to close eyes and breath a sigh of relief...only for we the viewer to see over the Hero's shoulder that the mummy is stirring! It is coming back for more! Turn, hero, turn! Oh, Christ, he's got you by the throat! The flailing! The dusty, scummy rags! The blood! The ancient dagger, held in a scabbard in which a scarab beetle is enclosed by amber, the only weapon that can put down the hideous corpse for ever! The scramble! The scabbard is flung across the floor! Our hero lunges, takes hold of it, and plants the sucker right into the mummy's rag-encased face! Cheer as the mummy dissolves into sand! Victory! Victory! O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma!
GOP, RIP? - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine
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